As Blue as Melancholy...

Back to the basics...

2010-10-13T11:08:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged in awhile but I have missed this form of writing.

Everyone's getting tumblr but I will not abandon you!!

Alot of things are different now. Coming soon will be significant changes to the blog & I can't wait. Until then get motivated with Eric Thomas...

Part 2!

Later,
Bluebelle

Be Where You Are VA edition

2009-10-19T10:23:00.001-04:00

I'm in VA for exactly 24hrs to perform at this new open mic For Love Of Words (FLOW). Spent this morning in the SUB at Hampton University ppl watching. When my mind began to drift...

I'm one of those rare adaptable people who can almost envision and/or place themselves everywhere. I couldn't help but to see myself here in VA. what kind of place would i live? what college i would go to?? Most interestingly, what kind of a man would i meet. *chuckles*

I saw a strong black southern man with a nice family and maybe a slight accent which made me uneasy to say the least. Since in ny I like "alternative, original, artsy'' guys no matter their race.

It made question alot of things: Do women like me know what they want?? Is your soulmate anywhere you are?

(Here's the kicker) Does location really affect your preference in a mate??

Think on this,
Bluebelle

A gift for you: Kenna

2009-10-07T19:38:00.002-04:00

Today was a rough day. It started with crying and screaming but after zoning out to Kenna I felt better. So here's a gift to my readers who may be feeling the weight of the world on them. Mercury's Retrograde may be over but thats the end of rough times.

So when you feel like that, go turn this up REALLY loud and dance, let it pulsate through you...

Out of Control (State of emotion) by Kenna

Peace & Blessings,
Bluebelle

Break a heart, Break a macbook

2009-10-02T04:07:00.001-04:00

"I'm glad i can identify my own weakness..."

If only everyone could do that, life would be smooth. I just spent 2hrs in the wee morning talking to a friend who couldn't understand why people couldn't come with disclaimer warnings.

Do you think you would look at someone differently if you knew what kind of person they were upfront?

I once dated a guy who was a walking disclaimer and while it was refreshing it also scared me. For the first time i wasn't crazy! He forgot my birthday like he said he would. He worked crazy hours as promised. Worried about his family in silence like he was taught. Yet, he also showed me what 'getting to know a person' really entailed.

Is that what I wanted? To know everything in the room before i opened the door?

Its better than lying or manipulating...or is it the same? Would revealing too much or hiding it get you in the same predicament?? Left pondering these things as memories (or evidence) with a broken heart, a hammer and a vengence...

If I break your macbook in a yard in the middle of the night and no one's around to hear it, Was our whole relationship a lie?

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Make Shit

2009-09-16T01:50:00.001-04:00

"Gone for a minute but now im back with the jumpoff..." (lil kim)

I've been on the run from my own thoughts. A 6 month hiatus from writing poems, and 3 months of not posting on here. Well with time and seperation comes growth! So I'm back, a year wiser and more beautiful...

I'm getting back to writing. (FINALLY!) I didn't want to force it but i couldn't help not feeling whole without that part of myself. The void caused me to spend more time figuring out the other pieces to me that I've neglected. *sigh*

To celebrate the momentous occasion I bought a new journal while out with whitley. This appeared to be your average book (in a clothing store. don't ask) with regular lined pages, spirals and a decorative cover. Something about the book spoke to me though...maybe it was the cover which looks like weaved baskets that says simply "Make shit".

I know what you're thinking, " what kind of journal...?". EXACTLY why i bought it!! *chuckles*

It inspires me to open the pages and write. Hey whatever helps, right? Thats what I said but its bigger than a book. I've been inspired to take all the bits & pieces I've discovered about myself over the summer and...for lack of better words...Make shit!

Moral is: Go "Make shit" with all those dreams you have. what's stopping you??

Peace and blessings,
Bluebelle

Vanilla Ice Cream

2009-06-20T22:03:00.003-04:00

Thats one of my fav songs by this comedian named Stephen Lynch. He's white. The song Vanilla Ice Cream is about his love of Black women.

I never felt any type of way about interracial dating before. Unlike my peers I've always believed love; no matter the flavor or genre of music it listens to is beautiful. If you find it that you should hold on to it. People go everyday without sharing themselves with another person in the most purest way possible.

Well recently I've found myself smitten with an amazing guy who also has been my friend for the past 2 years. We've been on a date already...*a record 12hour first date* because we had such a great time together. So it was confirmed that I do like him.

Thing is, he's not black. He's not white either but this would be my first interracial experience. For some reason I'm slightly uncomfortable with how other people will perceive us but then again I really don't care. So I'm taking this how I take everything else with an open mind/heart and patience.

Well see how this works out.

"Here we go again..." (Portrait)

Peace,
Bluebelle

Feel free to fly your pretty wings...

2009-05-21T03:28:00.002-04:00

I cannot stop listening to the song Pretty Wings by Maxwell. Its so beautiful in a Slow Dancing In a Burning Room way by John Mayer, don't you think? Anyhow, thats what I'm trying to do. Fly.

Sometimes its hard to use your wings if they're so weighed down with life. I want to flex mine before I actually take flight. Jumping out the nest (comfort zone) like a baby bird. So here's an exercise to share with on my blog and to all my beautiful friends out there...

Queen GodIs put in her facebook status to write down your best advice then take it. I am going to attempt to do so, to give myself advice and stick with it. Here are some things I tell my friends:

1. Never settle. If i know you are wonderful then YOU should too.
2. Be confident. It goes a long way if you know how to use it.
3. Count your blessings!
4. Be grateful for what you don't think is enough to be grateful for because it is.
5. Remember that it could always be worse
6. Cry sometimes without being ashamed of the vulnerability
7. Be able to let someone in willingly
8. Leave your baggage hidden in your closet where it belongs until you are ready to sort through it. Don't take it everywhere with you.
9. Take some time for you! To be still, to do nothing, to get to know yourself

Thats enough for now. We'll see how good I do. I mean it is easier to dish it then take it. Try it for yourself. Only 2 things can happen...One your own advice could help you in your life OR you'll rethink what you say to others.

Peace Earthlings,
Bluebelle

...and the plot thickens

2009-05-21T03:18:00.003-04:00

Story of my life.

In some ways I believe things are getting better but in other ways things seem downhill. I've purged my room and rid my life of ALL baggage physically/emotionally. Spiritually I do not doubt that I am on the right path. I have never been so happy with my x-ray. Who I'm becoming on the inside is now totally outweighing the outside.

Brittany Patrice Bellinger (ME!) is satisfied with herself. <---damn that statement just sounds powerful. Try it!

I haven't been blogging as much lately for lack of internet and sanity. Being away from twitter and youtube and everything else that takes you away from the moment. I'm rediscovering the sun, ice cream, family, friends, paper, pen and every other little miniscule thing that makes me happy. Its nice.

I promise however to continue to open up on my blog...I mean you never know who this might reach or how it will affect you.

peace! *chucks deuces*
BlueBelle

Out of sight, out of mind

2009-05-08T23:28:00.003-04:00

Everyone needs a little prayer sometimes. I never claimed to be a highly 'religious' person (pay attention to the word religious) but I am highly spiritual. I happen to know the color of my own light...Thanks to BNV/UW 08!

So I've decided that once a week i would dedicate an entry to a friend that I felt needs a lil more support than I do. In hopes to share stories, prayer and love through the internet. Let's stay positive people.

This week is for my friend Rodney. He's a virgo like me, sweet, kind-hearted, very intelligent but right now is at a place in his life where he is being tested. He wrote to me recently and like always put my feelings before his. Trying to help me write again. So I'm sending all my positive energy & light his way. I hope you'll do the same!

Playing it close,
Bluebelle

Getting wavy: We're swag surfing

2009-05-03T16:36:00.002-04:00

Chanelle taught me about swag surfing...I'm not sure what to make of it yet but let's get your opinion.

Here's a video of some guy getting it IN! lmao

We even found footage of some men of Phi beta sigma swag surfing in a stroll. Chanelle believes it outdoes the shimmy. *chuckle*

Believe me ppl, we are just covering the basics in this new world of dance. We haven't even touched the west coast yet! Stay tuned for that.

Peace & chicken grease,
Bluebelle

Keepin it in the [Stanky] south!

2009-05-03T16:18:00.002-04:00

So if you watched the previous video then you would recognize the stanky leg and other southern dances. Apparently what I failed to realize; obviously is that there is an ART to doing the stanky leg! ::GASP::

Now hold that face and imagine how I felt when I stumbled upon THIS homemade tutorial video on stanky leg ettiquette. Smh.

*sigh*
Let's proceed...

Who Datt?? and other mysterious dances...

2009-05-03T16:02:00.002-04:00

It all started a few months ago over facebook with a poet named Austin (aka Benn Broox) from the bay who now resides in kentucky at college. I met him last year at Brave New Voices and we kept in contact. He hit me up this particular day to have me watch his new music video on youtube entitled Who datt?

Long story shorter...I did. It was catchy, funny and cute. Entertaining as well. By the end of the song I was singing the hook and it was down hill from there. It opened up a portal into dances from different places I've never heard of.

*scratches head* Huh?! I thought harlem was bad before soulja boy took over the dance craze market but now I realize that this is a phenomenom. So after months of youtube, convos with friends and research I am here to inform YOU on what's going on in the world of dance.

Let's start with the vid that started it all...Who Datt by [my homie] Benn broox.

*to be continued*

A Blue review: Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D

2009-04-18T16:59:00.004-04:00

It was $6 tuesdays at jamaica multiplex so chanelle and I headed out to check out this movie. We've been dying to see ANY movie in 3D!! Just for a different experience, you know?

Monsters vs Aliens was hilarious!! It's definitely worth the money, matter of fact don't quote me on that. lol. I mean it was worth the $6 i spent! We are both in agreement that its probably because it was in 3D. So go see it! On a tuesday at jamaica multiplex in queens or linden theatres in brooklyn for $6. Make sure its a 3D experience though...

It's like watching the jokes come right at you! ha...And if not for any of the aforementioned reasons then at least go for the super swagged out 3D glasses. We've come a long way from the paper glasses guys. I swear i saw a picture of Kanye rocking these new joints. *smiles*

Laugh it off earthlings,
Bluebelle

Recession Report: Part 1

2009-04-18T16:45:00.003-04:00

I love political cartoons. They so much without saying...so much. lol. Well I found a "good" one (meaning clever & creative) but I must say the inspiration for it which also sparked the article it was attached to was No bueno.

Basically it was about all the cuts the SUNY/CUNY systems are taking but how the schools themselves are not improving. Not only are they the same mediocre academic atmosphere but we've never actually have gotten all of our funds in the past anyway. Are you serious?!

It's one thing for students to feel the recession, truthfully we all are but is this really going to help in the end?? taking away from the education of our future activists, doctors and computer technicians? Smh.

Thats just something that "grinds my gears" (oh family guy, you slay me!)...Enjoy the political cartoon.

Thats all folks!hehehe
peace & blessings earthlings,
bluebelle

A piece of History: April 4th

2009-04-11T04:44:00.004-04:00

One day I will have children who will want to know who I am. Where their mother came from and what made her strong. I hope to have more than a few memories but an actual tangible legacy. Something to show that I was here [earth ground] and I made a difference somewhere to somebody.

In the last 7 days I have grown tremendously into the woman I wish to be. I've asked myself the questions I've been afraid to ask and/or answer. Sought spiritual guidance and support from every source. The only thing to show for my whirlwind journey is this clip of my 3 minute poem from the Apollo theatre.

Enjoy,
Ms. Blue Bellinger

Just call me: Morning!

2009-03-31T06:00:00.003-04:00

"God sent me here to raise his sun..." [as adapted from Queen GodIs' new project]

These are my favorite moments right before the sun rises and life begins again. I love the crisp quiet when my thoughts can marinate. To watch the mesh of dawn come together. I feel so alive then...now.

For the past few weeks I have been put in the position to receive direct blessings. Sometimes you don't know when a blessing knocks on your door but this time I am certain. So I'm not taking any of them for granted.

From the chance to perform at the apollo to family to answered prayers and finally to a man that couldn't be more right for me if I made him myself, i have been bathing in my light. The one that I snuck with me in my darkest times. It's sooo bright, but it doesn't blind me. I'm comforted.

The path to becoming a better ME is a tedious, winding road that I didn't think i could survive through but I am. It doesn't scare me that the path is not paved because I can see where I'm going now. The everyday doubts (for now) have been silenced. All i hear is pretty mus(e)ic mostly in my head or in my heart.

And just when i think no one's looking...they always catch me being singing in the wrong pitch! lol. So what? It's my song

Gotta go! The sky is turning the most calming shade of blue I've seen, its almost like a reflection. *wink*

...but I won't be blue always
BlueBelle

...And its coming

2009-03-25T18:30:00.003-04:00

I made it through my Semi-finals for the Urbanword slam and have advanced to the finals which is April 4th. This year its at the Apollo theatre which is so amazing!

That may be the best part besides having just the opportunity to perform and represent such a movement. I've been to Brave New Voices in 2008 which is the competition that Urbanword makes a team for every year. Its such an honor. Those 5 days changed my life in every way. I have coined the name "Mecca of spoken word" for my feelings toward BNV.

Last year it was also filmed for HBO as a mini documentary series which will premiere in early April. I am excited because its like reliving the experience all over again. So here is the buzz hbo commercial for it...

Now this is one of my personal fav videos that someone filmed from their perspective of Brave New Voices last year. This was a better look than the mainstream one because it actually captures some of the energy.

This year its in Chicago and I'll be ready...

Peace & [hairgrease]!
BlueBelle

PTwittyTV and all Diddy related programming

2009-03-17T04:47:00.003-04:00

I may not agree with everything Diddy has done but when it comes to television the man has a vision. lol. From the first season of Making The Band to I wanna work for Diddy even the badboy sponsored shows like Run's House has me glued to the tube. Why? You ask...

Because Diddy is a hilarious, creative, off-the-wall Character!!

You as well as I know that if he didn't appear in episodes or shout on records you might not have given them as much attention as we all are guilty of. Example...No Bitchassness. I mean this guy monopolized an English error and people went & bought the T-shirts!!

Well Mister Combs has done it again. I am a proud member of the Twitter.com family and after much hesitation I finally became a follower of his. Now Diddy has yet again been able to surpass my expectations by flooding my home page with positivity through quotes or even his 48hr fast in promotion of ending starvation.

Through twitter not only have my viewpoints on his personality changed but I am also a subbscriber to his new hit youtube channel PTwittyTV. Made to share with his twitter followers a peak into his life. From studio work to his children to dancing and what is now infamous his debate on which chicken is better: Popeye's or KFC? lol

So I'm sharing my love of Diddy programming with you and some of his advice. Be positive, share your love & energy, and most of all DANCE!! like there is no tomorrow. In the words of "king combs" LET'S WORK!!

Diddy in the studio "Getting Off"

And...him Dancing in the studio to his newest project "Last train to Paris"

But I'll leave you with my personal favorite, Diddy's son Christian and cousin Roxy completely murdering some song NO ONE CAN NAME?! lmao

LET'S WORK!
Bluebelle

If I was a bird, I could defy gravity

2009-03-16T05:27:00.003-04:00

Floetry needs to reunite. I would be the first one to buy a ticket to that reunion show. It helped to write the last blog, alot. I learned more about my dreams and relationships with people. Special thanks to whitley, janine, DGS and sunshine for being so open with me. I love you guys!

The beginning of If I was a bird when Ms. Natalie speaks
[INTRO (Talking)]
Sometimes blindness finds me
and leads me through ignorance
not allowing us to gain experience
so we become lifeless
At other times I cover with
self pity or work aimlessly through reality so
Occasionally I choose to travel alone
but never fufill my possibility so
mostly I attempt to achieve balance
by seeking right knowledge and loving
and reviewing and eventually overstanding those
many lessons of my life

And I'm working steadily towards that. The next step is getting my mind dirty by painting and reading this next book.

Feel free in joining whitley and I by going to get a copy yourself. I promise you this book is incredible!

Xoxo,
Bluebelle

The Breakthrough...

2009-03-14T20:46:00.000-04:00

I've been isolating myself partially because I'm just getting over a cold. The other part? Well I've been trying to fight my own demons. Handle things as a maturing young adult but now I realize I can't do it alone. Nor can I do it as fast as I would like.

It feels like I'm slow dancing in a burning room watching the walls crumble around me as the record skips...

Painfully beautiful it is, to grow up. People are right you're biggest obstacle is YOU but somewhere in the last 20yrs I've become a chamelion. I can manifest myself into every doubt, insecurity and person that scares me from succeeding.

When you are surrounded by anything it becomes apart of you. These negative things is all I see. My mother's drug habit spiraling out of control. My father's fight with his own pride vs his actuality. The voice of my aunt who thinks my writing/poetry is taking me nowhere. Wondering who's gonna take care of the family when she dies. The cancer turning my only grandma into a helpless victim. Bills strangling the little we have to survive on.

Just some of the things that I see in the mirror or hear instead of my own voice when I take the stage. I want to move & get to a (literal) place where I can access my thoughts but I don't know exactly where that is. So...I'm here. Miserable. Alone. Avoiding You!

I wrote this poem called Desert Storm: Ode to Sahara which is truly me being vulnerable and sharing one of the biggest ghosts that follow me. But each day I think what if its not "good enough" for the uw slam. Like why should I give a f*ck! But making this team is important to me. I have nightmares about it.

So I take each day on my own...pace slowly and try to journey towards this woman I want to be. Its hard ya'll, and I'll need help but I find myself being too prideful to ask for it.

"I lost my smile but put on my vest" (Blu)<-----one of my fav rappers & Below the heavens seems like the only thing comforting me right now.

Hold me in prayer,
BlueBelle

Where In The World is Carmen Sandiego?

2009-03-14T05:27:00.003-04:00

After searching for years in high school hallways, street corners, conferences and lecture halls I found what i've been looking for. I'm happy in another lifetime. This is so(ul) amazing as blu would say. My sunshine is missing in action from ny. No wonder I'm just getting over this cold. *chuckles*

::cues floetry song::

Sunshine - Floetry

Now here's a video from Incubus because everyone needs a lil rock in their life. I wish you were here is one of my fav songs!! I miss you sun...brighten up my day. *wink*

...but I won't be Blu(e),
Bluebelle

Rotten Fruit/Human Hearts: Bruised but not broken

2009-03-03T00:46:00.003-05:00

Funny how much fruit and love have in common, Isn't it?

You definitely patrol the different rows of fruit in the supermarket looking for the perfect apple/orange/plum/peach and whatever. Always put the battered ones aside. You want something FRESH. How does the saying go "Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch"? Well its the said to be same for love...

No one wants the shy/quiet/clingy/battered/baggage ridden lover. You want something FRESH. A heart that no one has tampered with yet because you don't want to deal with the insecurities that come with their past. I happen to be a brave young soul and will be the first to admit that I bruise easily.

Maybe I'm not the first...after stumbling across this Natasha Bedingfield song, "I bruise easily" I've realized that everyone has these fears and its okay. So i'm sharing with you one of my new fav songs. Enjoy these lyrics as well

I Bruise Easily lyrics

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
but its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defenses down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

So be gentle
so be gentle
so be gentle

[Chorus]

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I Bruise Easily - Natasha Bedingfield

This video is extremely dope. The creative impact is incredible. I even teared a little towards the end. I hope this touches you as much as it touched me.

Peace & Blessings,
BlueBelle

Wanna bring the 80's back? Thats where they made ME at

2009-02-27T05:22:00.004-05:00

I was born in 1983 well not the human form of me but Brittany was. Some late night youtube and google searches brought me to the chipmunk cartoon version of myself: Brittany.

The infamous Alvin of the chipmunks had a flyy girlfriend named Brittany. They had a love/hate relationship but ended up married after all. Because isn't actual love like that? stressful? with the person you least expect? taken by surprise?

Not only is she cool but she reminds me of myself besides the name. She rocks ponytails, has 2 sisters/best friends named Jeanette and Eleanor (shoutout to Ty and chanelle) and had a rough time when it came to relationships only to fall for her friend. weird huh? lol

So enjoy this Brittany montage I put together her and get to know her. She's pretty cool underneath it all *wink*

What did you expect? I'm still looking for my alvin. hahaha

Pretty in pink (who would've thought),
BlueBelle

Chris Brown's all over the world have lost their Mind!!

2009-02-24T20:21:00.000-05:00

I hate the media. Yes I wanna be a "journalist'' one day but hopefully for my own magazine. With that said I know 80% (if not more) of what they say is garbage.

As for the rihanna/chris brown hoopla, I wasn't there. But yes, I have read & viewed all "evidence" that's everywhere. I don't know if the picture is real or how bad the bruises are or even what really sparked everything...But neither do you.

I DO believe that he hit her. *nods* I don't know how hard, or about these bite marks but I think (personally) he did. Case closed.

Anywhoo, I'm reading yesterday's newspaper over dinner as I do everynight and stumble across this article. "Killer gun was Christmas Gift"

It intrigued me, so I read on. Apparently an 11yr old boy named Jordan Brown in Pennsylvania used a 20 gauge shotgun to kill his father's 8-month pregnant fiance. Sad, right? I know. What the police just discovered is that the shotgun was a christmas present. Given to Jordan by his dad who's training him to be a hunter.

"Little Boy blows stepmom to be in her bed friday morning", article states. "The Browns come from a long line of hunting enthusiasts", it says.

And GUESS what his father's (who I believe is partially responsible, for even giving a child a shotgun as a present) name is... CHRIS BROWN.

Strange coincedence or Omen? You decide...

...but I won't be blue always,
BlueBelle

Family Business

2009-02-24T03:32:00.003-05:00

And yes just like the Kanye West song...I have some family business I would like to share.

Recently I've been getting these strange messages on Facebook and Myspace from people I don't know but could share blood with. None of them "know" me or are my friends on these social networks so let me just say this is getting a little spooky.

My name is Brittany "Blue" Bellinger. period. Not a lot of people share that last name besides my daddy, siblings and relatives on the paternal side. Its not an usual name but I wouldn't call it average. Not a williams, jones, smith and such.

So WHY have I've been approached via message by people who've I've never seen nor met before in my ENTIRE life have my last name? Take one facebook message maybe a week ago from Belinda Bellinger. Sweet young woman who goes to Sarah lawrence and is from Cali.

Message stated:
Hi!
We have the same last name. Its rare that I run into someone with the same last name.
I wonder if we have kin?
I apologize for sending this random message but I couldn't pass it up
take care,
belinda bellinger

We talked and she told me her parents & grandparents, I won't know anything until i speak with daddy but who knows? That would be sooo cool!

Then the other day on myspace (yea, i know) I got this message from a Quentin Bellinger:
How are you doing Brittany? I was typing my sisters name on youtube and your poetry video came up and I noticed you look a little bit like her. Her name is Crystal Bellinger and she plays basketball at Rhode Island University. My name is Quentin Bellinger. We are from Uptown Manhattan. I see you live in Brookylyn. I was told by someone that I have alot of family that live in Brooklyn. Anyway I was just interested in knowing if we are related and if so how much family is really out there

weird huh? We've been talking but it might be harder to determine if he's related to me. Unfortunately Q, isn't that tight with the bellingers...hmmm.

Although all of this could be a really big coincidence I find it funny that all of our swapped stories lead back to different towns in South Carolina. Even if turns out I am NOT related to these people we're making all bellingers look amazing. Writers? B-Ball players? Poets? Just straight up flyy. So daddy we need to do lunch and pry over the family tree. Now enjoy all the random Bellinger companies/artifacts/images I google'd earlier.

who knows? Maybe I'm related to these people too, lol
**technical difficulties with the pics, will upload the rest at later date**

...But i won't be blue always,
BlueBelle

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade Koolaid

2009-02-23T04:06:00.001-05:00

This theory just kind of happened while on the phone with whitley. Although it sparked some "controversy" (lol) after well explained it proves true and you'll also get a chuckle out of it.

Lemonade koolaid is my favorite out of all the koolaid flavors. This can be confirmed by my mother. *smiles*

Yea I know its still koolaid but its tastes ALMOST like the real thing.

Anyway here's my theory or philosophy if you will on life...It doesn't owe you anything. Barely "gives" you enough to survive but every once in a while it gives you "lemons" (moments/opportunities/ppl). The old way is to make lemonade with them but I say why? All that will leave you with is an empty glass & a memory.

I say Keep the lemons for the times you most need them and go to the local bodega for that lemonade koolaid. It tastes the same and you still have the lemons for the rough times.

So Ms. Tia told me I was pessimisstic by using the "cheap knock off" until I broke it down like this...The saying goes "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day but Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime". All I'm saying is "Give a man lemons he'll have one pitcher of lemonade but show a man how to quench his own desires and he'll never be thirsty".

Aha! "I see said the blind man" lmao.

Forget the "material'' of how you go about survival or being happy isn't the important factor that you survived and/or became happy?

So to Tia and Whitley (my fav inspirations and skeptics who I got nothing but love for) smile, do something crazy, spend the loose change in your pocket and get a 'drink' on me. Hahaha *wink*

Life is short and we're in a recession. We can't afford to waste our lemons!!

...but I won't be blue always
Bluebelle

Drizzy's Home!

2009-02-21T15:31:00.004-05:00

The phrase casually tossed about by Drake, one of the hottest new artists out. Well he's not that new...but not everyone is onto one of music's greatest kept secret. This Canadian bred rapper/singer is one of my favorites. I was put on by my 'Big sis' Riva about a year ago.

She had me listen to The Comeback Season Drake's earlier mixtape which i fell in love with. But now he's back with a NEW mixtape So Far Gone. I have it and its GOLD!!

I've searched for a new link so YOU too can enjoy this but none of them have been working. So if you find it then post it!!

"I'm so high even when I'm coming down..." (Nov. 18th by Drake)
Coming down off of my own personal high, life is cool.

...but I won't be Blue always,
BlueBelle

Always the rule, never the exception

2009-02-21T11:38:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this concept since Friday the 13th. Chanelle and I celebrated Vally Tines day early as usual on the 13th by going to the movies. We went to see He's Just Not That Into You.

In the movie the main character GiGi (who is parallel to who I am in regards to men) discovers that women usually place themselves in impossible relationships hoping it will work out. Why? Because someone told them a story about a woman who it actually worked out for.

Ex. "He will marry you eventually. My friend Becky dated this guy for years and one day out of nowhere he proposed."

"Just because he's married doesn't mean he won't leave his wife for you. I know someone who that happened to and he got a divorce a few months after"

Sounds crazy, maybe but I know women (including myself) who've been fooled into believing these fables. That men "change" or things will work out in your favor despite the odds that the chips are stacked against you.

Even if the folklore is true the discovery GiGi made was that those women are the exception. For most women it won't work out like that because majority of us are the rule NOT the exception.

The sooner you understand that the easier dating will become. Not so much of a hassle.

Movie Review for he's just not that into you: Fun feel good movie loaded with sarcasm & good advice. Even different scenarios of relationships from male & female perspectives.

Go see it,
Bluebelle

My world is Blu[e]...

2009-02-19T04:15:00.004-05:00

I'm back people along with one of my new fav artists, Blu. This young Cali rapper is the hottest thing to hit my blog since...

**thinks to self**

Well ME! lol

I've been stressing trying to get all of his music which you can download for free. Speaking of which why is all the best mus(e)ic FREE??! Its a shame we needed a recession to get a stimulus of amazing ART.

Every creative renaissance usually happens at the worst times in history. WE (artists) are the faith that things will get better. true story. I've been feeling inspired myself lately...poems to come.

But first check out Blu @
Now I have to download his new mixtape called "Her Favorite colo(u)r". Come on people suck up this art while its FREE99!! lmao

You know the deal,
BlueBelle

Single, sexy & Free!!!

2009-02-11T19:21:00.002-05:00

So I've been singing this song all day! I'm feeling good and free, blame it on the weather. Global warming has a way of making you feel good on the inside. Why do you think everyone breaks up for the summer??

Anyway, I'm live at the urbanword office and I just came back from scaling the hills of harlem with whitley (who's in class now. lol). Damn, those hills make me feel like I need to work out more. Tomorrow Chanelle, whitley and I will be going to Pace University to see a FREE show with Shihan...

Sciryl (an urbanword vet)

And ARE YOU READY?? My boo RAHEEM DEVAUGHN! Ahhhhhh!

I'm going to have so much fun with my girls!! Though I will miss Ty this V-day, I am not sad in any account. I'm very happy.

I'm coming RAHEEM!!
BlueBelle

The [Blue] Soloist...

2009-02-11T01:27:00.001-05:00

They told me to be alone, embrace solitude. "Your guard doesn't exist". "You can't trust everyone, not all are deserving".

I'm not strong enough. I love too willingly. I put my nose where I shouldn't. Everything is a poem to me and life just aint that pretty. Find a way to vent. Stop bottling your feelings. Trust us, trust no one. Live without a care while caring.

I've cried written poems accepted my mistakes turned my phone off then on again prayed read books spent more time with myself & family pretended not to give a F*&K but I have to live my own life.

I know what is wrong with me. I understand that I am not perfect which is why I took my beating like a man. I will be greater after this and I am ready.

This, you can say is my 7 day summary. Why I've run from blogging, hidden in the shadows nursing my wounds but I'm back. Better. More humbled & more blessed than before. I could care less what the voices say to me now...

"F**K em, f**k em, f**k em even if they're celibate" (Lil wayne)

Whitley, I've finished The alchemist and we need to talk. Janine pray for me, love.

Piecing it together,
BlueBelle

The aftermath.

2009-02-04T18:17:00.003-05:00

The video of my performance saturday.
I lost, alot of things in the past few days.
But I have gained so much more.
So judge for yourself because I'm going to lay it here
Open.

Leave comments, I'm going to be alone now.
That's something I have to work on.

Peace (of mind) Earthlings,
Bluebelle

[Wo]man on the moon: The Before

2009-01-31T08:49:00.000-05:00

If you're wondering about the title know that I'm zoning to kid cudi's Man on the man mixtape...

"Hating niggas can't hate leave em all stumped/They gotta like a nigga call me OBAMA/ Not a hype beast while you beast for the hype/Yea I'm the underdog, story of my life..." (Is there any love? By kid cudi ft Wale)

Is there any love in this world? <---- In my world there is and I'm so very grateful.

Today on the last day of January I will be spitting as a semi finalist in the ny knicks poetry slam hoping to come out of it as something more than just a finalist with a white envelope.

Its not about the competition what I do is how I survive.

I wanted to write how I felt before the stage and then after. So its morning and I should still be asleep!! Damn dimitri. Lol. Mister Saintvil (saintvil.blogspot.com) called me at 8am when I went to bed at 5am. Still love him though. And can't wait until I see him later.

Went to the bx yesterday for the first semis special shoutout to my lil 'sis' Kiara, my angel Janine and Ceez who all killed it which is why they are finalists now! YAY!! I screamed so much sitting next to Dj Reborn. I should drink some tea, I sound terrible.

And I wanna say to Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com)...mama you may not have won but you did yo thang. You're an inspiration to me and I love you (a lot).

Ty's home!!! Can't wait to see my twin later. I love her (cherubindisguise.blogspot.com). She's my other half, for real. Wordsmith aka. My pokeDEX (lmao) is also escorting me today for support. What a blessed lil woman I am.

I'm gonna do my thang whether I win or not. No regrets. I'm doing the poem in my heart dedicated to that boy who's life helped pen it. Where ever he is I hope he feels it. I'm gonna get free and put myself back in july 2008 at Brave New Voices. That was real and what its all about. I promised whitley I wouldn't read the intro to The Alchemist until right before I slam. I remember lady! *smiles*

"My heart thump not from being nervous sometimes I'm thinking God made me special here on purpose. So all the while till I'm gone make my words important..." -Kid cudi

I think that track is called Ready for the funeral someone clarify that! Track number 6. Whatever the name the opening lyrics really hit home just now.

I have to speak for the ones who don't have a voice. That's such a responsibility...but one I take on humbly.

Going to zone & G.I.T.S.
Peace,
Bluebelle

The Sweetest Taboo: Words speak louder

2009-01-28T09:49:00.000-05:00

"You give me the sweetest taboo. That's why I'm in love with you. You give me the sweetest taboo. Sometimes I think you're just to good for me..."

I'm in a Sade kind of mood this morning. Its mid-morning and cold outside or at least I assume so since the cold slipped into my room. I'm not a fan of winter but I do enjoy the isolation it gives me. A chance to reflect and whatnot.

Although last week was crazy emotional I've decided to take a different approach to this one. I'm about to embark on a journey with Whitley (myexistenceasme.blogspot.com) *smiles* for the year to start to become the woman I want to be. We're going to be reading books, taking in museums, plays, dance classes, a healthier way of being pretty much. I'm excited.

Today it starts with The alchemist. A book that I know I need to read for more reasons than one. Then there's also the pending semi-finals of the knicks poetry slam which is this weekend. Going to support whitley in the bx friday for her semis but saturday afternoon is mine.

I'm nervous and anxious. So please do nothing but leave encouraging words & energy.

I've been listening to Flo'ology which is by far one of my favorite cds. I've always wanted to be Natalie {Stewart} the floacist. She's soo dope. I love Marsha's voice but it wouldn't be Floetry without Nat so please if you've never heard that album do so. 'Sometimes you make me smile' is a personal fav...Enjoy.

"If you were mine I wouldn't want to go to Heaven...Cherish the day. I won't go astray. I won't be afraid. You won't catch me running. You rule the way that I move. Showed me how deep love can be" -Sade (Cherish The Day)

That's the truth. To be young and In love is beautiful. Hopefully one day I'll experience what Sade so eloquently displays in her songs.

Well wouldn't you know, the heat is on full blast and my room is now set a blaze. I think its a sign! It won't be cold in my sanctum for much longer. *Take that however you like*

Lyrics are powerful because in the beginning there was WORD.

[Glass] feelings are fragile.

"Love is a guitar solo"

Peace {of mind} Earthlings,
Bluebelle

To the beautiful men with broken mirrors

2009-01-24T17:41:00.000-05:00

And now...
He understands.

Me.
Every half finished poem I've ever started about him.
And stopped.
Because I couldn't bear another vague response to genuine agape. I could love him better than the rest of the world would ever. See his imperfections in rearview reflections of his past. Accept the man they made as my own.

He understands now because he's felt it firsthand. Given his beating heart raw and ripped from his chest to someone who could never understand. Someone who chose ignorance over bliss. Now we're in the same banana boat, alone with no lovejackets to save us from drowning.

The past week almost every man except for my boogie bot (dom-o), my daddy and the godfather of my unborn son {joshua james} carvens have dissappointed me. Hurt me, misled me, neglected me, rejected me, and tossed me to the side all at once. Most of them probably haven't even realized as such.

So after a mood swing, a trip to barnes & nobles and the aim convo from the muse behind the first name of my son, Joshua I've forgiven them. Gotten over it because like him one day they will understand.

How long you think it will take? Lol.

Peace Earth{lings},
Bluebelle

Janine: My Angel

2009-01-21T17:45:00.003-05:00

She is my salvation!! I actually truly believe she's an angel. Something about Janine is sooo healing and powerful. After a long stressful day (except for the applesauce!) has she made me feel better in a 2 minute convo.

Bless her.

I told her I was going to dedicate a blog entry to her and she laughed. Sometimes people don't always understand what they do for you even if its just a hug. I love her.

Thanks for everything Ms. Lady!
I'll tell you all about it later when i get there.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Q-Tip makes me think

2009-01-17T23:53:00.005-05:00

This is Q-Tip's new video ManWomanBoogie featuring Amanda Diva. I just watched the video twice and listened to the song. He's making good mus(e)ic for us as a community. I'm definitely going to support and buy the album. You should t00.

By the way my "twin'' Shanelle Gabriel (as seen on def poetry jam and facebook. Lol) held it down in the video.

Anyway it got me thinking men and women should be there for one another. Hold each other down seriously. I spent yesterday with one of my closest male friends. I just kept telling him like I'm here for you. I pray for you. I love you. Not because I want nothing from you but mostly I'm proud of you.

So I'll dedicate this song to him! Have fun in DC.

Enjoy Ppl,
BlueBelle

Urbanword says Goodbye to Shaun "Scheme" Redwood! deuces

2009-01-14T23:09:00.002-05:00

Live from the urbanwordnyc office!!

Man the time I spent today has been so much fun!! From lunch with my daddy to the rest of the day with extended uw family. Today was Shaun's going away party at the bowery. Everyone came out (minus Riva, Aja, Sciryl and maybe a few others) lol but it was a true reunion.

I'm so happy to have a wonderful extended family.

Anyway Shaun moved on from the program coordinator of UW to pursue Canada and his dreams. I wish him nothing but the best of luck. Go check out his music {get old money}.

I'm still hanging tough with my ppl here. Celebrating shaun's longevity and our love.

*Puts 'Diva' by beyonce on repeat*

"What you SAID??! You ain't no diva!" lmao

Peace (& love always) Earthlings,
Bluebelle

Charles Hamilton vs. The mochas (lol)

2009-01-12T23:10:00.003-05:00

This was the decision I was faced with earlier being that both parties that I was set to attend had friends and love. It was either go to the fader magazine celebration for Charles or come to chanelle's to spend time with her and Ty over home cooked food and drinks.

Hmmm...

It seemed difficult but after speaking to the man of honor I decided to chill with the ladies. Good choice I might add. We had fun! The steak, corn and potatoes are still hugging me, and the drinks were on point.

Although I do miss charles' performances I know this won't be his last show. So, I hope he had a great night and partied hard!! (though he doesn't "party") lol. Ladies, let's do this again sometime...

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Snow storms...

2009-01-11T00:05:00.003-05:00

On the days when its bitter cold is the best for cuddling, drinking hot cocoa and watching old movies until the sun comes out. I am doing none of the above, but feel just as comforted. By blankets of love and good conversation.

I won't change much as the years do. Just add more mattress space, maybe some kids, a spouse and a nightstand to hold my journal close by. I'll cook big meals on this day so we won't feel snowed in but insulated. Covered house in freezing perfection with just us to comfort one another. I will read the children poems that mimick bedtime stories. Falling in love with my husband again; slow dancing to old songs.

There will be a time when i lay in bed like a pig in a blanket wrapped snug. But today none of that happened. No man, children or big meal. Just peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, phone conversation, and thoughts of you to keep me warm in this cold house with not enough insulation to be a home.

And I couldn't be happier with myself...or being locked in by mother nature. It grants time for reflection.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Special Shoutout to Mr. Islam

2009-01-08T23:46:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday Mohammed!! I know you don't like a lot of attention and stuff on your birthday but I can't help myself.

You're very special to me. Ten years of friendship is a lot. So enjoy your birthday, okay??

Love you soooo much MoMo! xoxoxo

***this has been a P.S.A by yours truly***

::wink::

Peace Earthlings,

Bluebelle

Good times with my mocha

2009-01-08T23:38:00.002-05:00

Obviously I spend waaay too much time with chanelle. lol. I love her though.

We laugh hard to fight off tears, use sarcasm as a deadly weapon, eat like tape worms reside in our stomachs and girl talk. What's life without 'girl talk'??

So i'm at her house now...blogging and listening to stories simultaneously. Darnnel just left, and I finally have her back to myself. YAY!

hehehe

The pic above is from december when she got a new webcam.

Gotta go, this story is getting good.

"wooooord? And then what happened?"

Peace *deuces* Earthlings,

Bluebelle

Something in the way you make me feel

2009-01-07T08:09:00.001-05:00

Stephanie Mills was beyond her time or maybe I'm beyond my own time?? Hmmm...Something like that, point is I cannot stop floating. Or singing or listening to songs that may or may not have played a part in my conception. (Lol)

I am HAPPY!! As happy as one can be in real life. Reality tv should take off its viewers blinders because the world does not really spin that way. They've even commercialized my hood!! The real world brooklyn my ass....

Okay back to the point, blue feels golden. Outstretched towards the blind spot of the sun. My skin is bronze in the winter. The secret is to keep a bit of sunshine in your pocket. *wink*

I'm actually letting go of a lot of dead weight. Its hard to quit bad habits because no one wants to be a quitter but you have to do what's necessary.

I thought all this time I was living for me but it just occured to me that I've been trying to prove myself to you. Why? Can't be sure just yet. The current events have shown me that I am awesome (according to the survey) and there are really people out there that want to 'prove' themselves to yours truly.

Well who would've guessed it? I would go into detail but lets just see how all of this will play out. Unlike the stars of your fav vh1 shows, at airtime I am still confused as to the conclusion of my storyline.

Stay tuned!

*turns up new top secret mus(e)ic playlist entitled 'Number 17'* <----you're not ready!

Peace & love earthlings,
Bluebelle

Blue toilet paper

2009-01-06T20:20:00.000-05:00

...I may have a problem when even my toilet paper is blue.

Lmao.

Stop judging me. Ha.

Peace Earth(lings),
Bluebelle

Beautiful black men eat Italian

2009-01-06T20:05:00.000-05:00

...and everything else that's perfection on a plate minus the pork. It disagrees with his beliefs.

Everyone has kryptonite to make them human. His fear of bacon oddly makes him real to me. Tangible via footsie under the table. Why can't I stop staring at those eyes?

I ordered the pasta (seafood alfredo) partnered with raspberry lemonade but the food wasn't nearly as delicious as his kiss. Delectable lips, I feel myself getting spoiled {already}.

*blushes*

The rest of the day after spilling the beans to my girlfriends are a blur because I've been flying ever since.

Damn...

Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,
Bluebelle

New Beginnings...

2009-01-04T20:58:00.008-05:00

2009 is finally upon us! I am very excited for all of the things to come. Revamping the blog soon. New mus(e)ic, new info, new pics and more.

I mean you have to keep the ppl entertained, right??

*smirks*

Peace (& hairgrease) Earthlings,

Bluebelle

19 things about me

2009-01-04T06:51:00.002-05:00

Directions:Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 18 (or 19 for me)random things - shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 18 (or 19 for me) people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. The womb I come from rejects me...My mother is addicted to drugs and gets worse daily. No matter how many poems I write or salty rivers I cry or men's arms I run to. Thats what it is. Do not pity me but her who is not strong enough to stop
2. Because of number 1, I do not smoke weed or anything else...(ok, maybe I've smoked a black but thats it). I will never try cigarettes or marajuana or cocaine or anything. If you love me you won't try to persuade me otherwise. The emotional wounds are worse
3. I love Usher Raymond. You saw the youtube video, it just gets worse from there.
4. My real name is Brittany Patrice Bellinger. Blue is a nickname turned stagename that I grew to love because I wanted to be her. Brittany died in a lot of life accidents but she's still apart of me
5. This poetry thing is not a "hobby" or competition for me. I don't slam like that but I spit like my life depends on it. I'm in transition into becoming an excellent "writer". Paper covers stage.
6. I am sarcastic like you wouldn't believe. I use my humor as a defense mechanism to keep ppl at a distance so it doesn't hurt as much when they leave.
7. My biggest fears are being abandoned (emotionally) and not being adequate enough. Which for the most part I don't think I am.
8. I love you by default because I really don't know how to do anything else but hope that you'll love me back.
9. I am never on time for anything. My father is a great man that had me waiting for days at 4 just to spend a day with him. He never came most times so I believe you won't either. It brings me comfort knowing that you're waiting
10. In a school play at 5, I said I wanted to be rosa parks so that I can change the world. And I still want to change the world...believe it or not
11. I used to be a people pleaser but some days I find myself still trying to prove myself to you.
12. I have 8 and a half best friends. Yep, 4 females and 4.5 men. I need them all. they know who they are.
13. I don't share a lot about myself. I'd rather listen to other ppl's problems because someone always has it worse than you. Don't worry one day I'll have a great book
14. I've always wanted to visit Italy and play the guitar. Those are secret obsessions.
15. I used to be an actress so musicals like West Side Story and Stormy Weather make me twitch. Seriously...
16. I smile like its an addiction. If I don't then i would start crying probably almost immediately. Life is hard
17. There are 2 men I think are my soulmates but they don't believe me when I try to convince them that I'm their rib in flesh. *sigh*
18. Insomnia is really not the word for what I have...maybe I should talk to somebody.
and special number
19. I'm not as innocent as I look but sometimes even i fall for my own angelic reflection.

Sandcastle Disco

2008-12-30T06:53:00.002-05:00

...You don't know that song??? Thats unfortunate. lol

So today I've come to the realization that Solange knowles is the TRUTH!! If you don't agree with me then give her mus[e]ic especially the new sound a real good listen. Stop hating, that girl got talent. I'm not gonna lie I was sleeping on her too but thats a done deal.

Anywhoo, I'm back with a whole backpack of stories and feelings. Kind of feeling 'him'...there's always a 'him' so stop trying to keep up. lmao

But yea I have a lil crush steadily growing but thats all. Still stunningly single and loving it! Its actually doing wonders for my karma seeing as how I could've done a whole lot of trouble these last few days.

I didn't!! Stop judging me but I thought about it. Hmmm...
Time for breakfast and another long day with the homies but its just another interesting day in my life.

*Turns up 'Halo' by beyonce, puts it on repeat and zones...*

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Listening to my horoscope...(poem!)

2008-12-28T04:24:00.002-05:00

Ironically my end of the year horoscope (I'm a virgo by the way) said that I need to start utilizing poetry, so funny since I am a poet. Basically poetry is a great way to express myself and its cost efficient so I should include more into my life and carry it through to the new year. I talked to one of my very best friends today Jameer and was catching up on life but when I brought up the poem I wrote for him in August he didn't even remember. Which I won't lie hurt my feelings a lil so now I am going to post the piece because it was dope!

And because I love him even if he doesn't see it everyday he should feel it...

*Enjoy*

30-30 day 11, poem 10: a reason, a season and a lifetime…

Fall weather in fort greene
Brings me southern comfort
Collard green colored autumn leaves
home cooked smiles
Delicious December
Blankets thoughts in perfection
Pure snow topped landscapes
Silent horizons peak at me
From under sheets of slumber
Bracing against cold weather
With warm sensations
Layered in blessings
Neo soul tracks sound
Of sight at first impressions
Beautiful stranger
Purple rainfalls of tears
Cover old poems written
Before yours
Mahogany majesty
The real thing in stereo
Draws goose bumps every February
Simple satire draped in irony
Blinded in past tense
Careless with your affection
Sing to me off-key stories of forever
In notes manifested only for my ears
Whispers of your name ignite old flames
Of beach bonfires with friends
Togetherness
Childhood games like“Mother, may I?”
Kiss your sun
His light is unmistakable
Summer heat makes me miss him
Falling in love with me
Once beneath trees with hundreds of years
In rings around their trunks
Filled with history
Like ours
I can’t stop loving you
No matter what song I hear
Play in the past
Never thought kem was a prophet
Until we met in the future
I can wait for happiness
If It looks like you
Awaken in cold sweats
Nightmares about nevers
Chances only happen in blue moons
Angels who wear brown skin
Not cliché wings but just
Fly
Fall weather in fort greene
Makes me remember absent hugs
Arms that shield globes
The universe versus us
Little people make big impacts
Breezes bend around bare branches
Hold me
So I’ll never forget
The face of everything
That meant something to me
If I didn’t know you,
Then where would I Be?

Did you like it? Its unedited and freewritten but its soooo...hmm...real? vulnerable? honest?
All that, all that. lmao

Peace Earthlings,
Blue

Christmas ReMiX: Diddy edition

2008-12-28T03:59:00.003-05:00

Anyone who personally knows me also knows that I celebrate the first day of kwanzaa (Dec 26th) as Christmas remix. Uh huh I said remix. Its a day that my close friends and I have to enjoy what a REAL christmas should be without the 30 second commercials.

-Family
-togetherness
-LOVE
-giving (not always receiving)
and quality time to be grateful for all of your friends

The day in a blur was lights, camera (my new pink digital camera to be exact) and Action...Ya Digg?? hehehehe I love Lil Wayne quotes. We were missing a Ty! but still made due. With all the shopping, eating and poetry we still missed her but it didnt damper the day.

Well today wasn't the 26th but we did all get together and discuss the crazy events of the remix, had dinner and walked in the misty fog. By the way what in the world was that about??!! lmao

There are pics and stories but its more like "you had to have been there'' so no details. Just missed blogging.

Peace Earthlings,
Blue

Santa Baby forgot to mention one lil thing...

2008-12-25T04:50:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

...and if you don't celebrate christmas Happy Holidays!!

The sun has not risen but I am up (as usually) counting my blessings. The holidays are about being grateful and enjoying your loved ones.

I am trying to appreciate the silver lining in the gray cloud that 2008 has been over my life. This year wasn't that bad but I'm fiending for 2009.

Quote frm turkey day that shall be used for all holidays thus forth:
(Adult) "You kids want sparkling cider?"

"Is that sparkling juice?? We're about to get drunk. Pop champagne!!" -by chanelle's nephew dakim

Hahahaha. Enjoy ppl!

Peace (on earth) Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Male nurse, anyone?? lol

2008-12-25T03:41:00.000-05:00

After the dominican rum, coronas, smokey bathrooms lip syncing beyonce in harlem with Mr. 'Lightfeet' (lmao) himself and Number 23....at 7 in the morning I was still awake.

Back in bklyn though, warm and not sleepy. So I talked to my mom about reincarnation, healing spirits and angels. That is until I turned on Maury *Its a Man/Woman* and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I felt HORRIBLE. My voice is not normal yet which sucks being a poet and I can't breathe. Not to mention the fact that I can really use a massage.

After sleep, chicken soup, and pumpkin pie I felt extremely better. The laughs from my best friends and the love from my P.O.T's (POTential 'lovers') really helped but I'm still searching for a male nurse!

Any takers? *wink*

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Black Ice Love Tales

2008-12-23T05:06:00.000-05:00

I gave my best friend some advice on blasts from the past today. I told her to be cautious when walking on black ice because you don't know when you might fall.

For some reason past loves can sense when you need them. They contact you after months or years of absence to rekindle bonds. But do you think bridges that have been burned can ever be rebuilt?

I talked to him today. Rooted firmly in Bangladesh and Jamaica. Feelings of 6th grade butterflies again like the day we met in bushwick. Why stop the 4yr silence to tell me secrets? I could've loved him at 11yrs old but now I'm not so sure.

He called last night. My nigerian shadow who would cloud me with doubt. We were just friends but maybe I took his expectations too far. Never to be more. We stopped speaking all of 2008, like we've never met. Like his mother didn't love me, like we never spoke for hours and shared our dreams. I'm sorry I loved you as a friend and that you loved me as your wife. What do you have to say before the new year? Your cold distance said it all.

Everytime I hear 'Come back to me' I think of my first love. How things could've been different if they were different. It was real but was it meant forever? We'll never know.

As for 'future' (which is what I'll name my new crush) when you're ready, I'll be here.

I think I'll need shoes with better grip to tread carefully over this 'black ice'.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Aaron Mcgrudger= Genius

2008-12-21T04:16:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching 2 reruns of The Boondocks on Adult Swim. For the sleepwalkers who have never seen that show...where have you been? And for the haters, respect Aaron's gangster! For real.

I may have watched these episodes many times before but its still educational, hilarious and eye opening. First one was about graffitti which for everyone who knows me understands how I feel about it.

Tagging is ART, too!! Yea I said it let the judgement begin.

Next one was on racial profiling and lemonade stands. Come on!! Who thinks like that?? Pure genius.

In it Jazmine (the lil mixed girl who lives on their block) starts a lemonade stand in the middle of a heatwave, the day of a shooting, which is taken over by a white businessman in order for her to buy a pony. Which she never gets, obviously.

She names the pony she's never seen except for once through a picture, Sammy Davis Jr the pony!!! Can you see the historical context in just that??? What?!

If not get up on your black history and find out a little more about Sammy Davis Jr who was a legend by the way.

All of this left me at the end of each half hour episode soaked in commercials with my jaw dropped and lots of things on my mind.

Someone please tell me what the hell Aaron Mcgrudger's I.Q is because he is a certified genius in my book. Logos! <---(my new 'word' look it up) lol

You think he's single?? Cuz I'm looking...

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

A moment for the WB frog.

2008-12-19T08:05:00.000-05:00

*sings* Hello my baby, hello my darling...

Yea I know that's random but I was thinking about Writers Block's show tonight and that came to mind. *shrugs* Maybe he can be our new mascot. Lol.

The show tonight @ the bowery was B-A-NA-NA-S!!

"I am the truth, so why would I lie" {Rip the MC/host & mastermind behind writers block}

People who haven't been seen in forever were out at the show. We even got the atmosphere open early but we must not forget the poetry.

But WAIT Theophilus London was there to start us off!! Talk about dope. His music, stage presence and overall personality was dope. If you don't know him please google him and get some his music. You will NOT be dissappointed.

Okay so then the poetry happened. We have an amazing collective who tore it up tonight [Rip, Kesed, Falu, Soulful Jones and Aja-Monet]. Maad new poems. Tears were shed. It got Real at the bowery.

Then there was the "after the show its the Afterparty!" which I won't speak to much on it. Hot FIYAH!!! But you should've been there...

Special shouts to Urbanword nyc, Get old money, A.l.i.e.n, Bitten tongue, philly youth slam team, and everyone else who was in the heavy. There is no us without YOU. Dead ass...

Maad excitement, a glass of wine, watery eyes, overworked sweat glands and a train ride later I am STILL awake. Wtf.

Like I don't have another job and another show to go to tomorrow. I'm ghost!

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Mic Check!! 1,2,1,2

2008-12-18T05:24:00.000-05:00

Sorry had to check to see if this thing was on...lmao.

No work today. Didn't have to go in neither did I have my business meeting with my other boss Rip (jaime). It was nice to kick back today but its making me restless. An idle brain is very dangerous ppl.

Tomorrow is Writers Block presents The poetry party @ the bowery poetry club in the L.E.S. Apparently everyone is coming. I'm excited!! I love what I do. Couldn't imagine life without poetry.

Why else what I get that tattoo??

Talked to the twin flame today, Ty. I enjoy her incredible stories of everyday life. So much laughter. Come home soon lady!!!

As for the [non-existent] love life...*shrugs* Guys are playing the opposition to my feelings. Well actually I've been thinking of a certain somebody lately.

I wonder if he can feel me right now feeling him. Did that make sense?? Whatever, you know what I mean. Lol

Okay, back to zoning to my new fav soundtrack. Ya tu sabes! See you later on @ the bowery around 10pm? Kool beans...

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Dear Elmont (L.I) poem

2008-12-17T03:48:00.000-05:00

It snowed the day I met your mother
Walked frosty paths to your heart
The snowflakes poured on our parade
Showering the day with perfection
Smelling of stale haze
We stopped dreaming
Sober
Tasting the inconsistency
Into holding on
That we exhale yesterday
Together
Winter makes it possible
To see breath committ suicide
Hang itself
On every word spoken
Like a true poet
Maybe if I were to kiss
Your blunt laced lips
I would get high;
Do lines
Of love.
Open like noses that tunnel vision
Freedom
Hearts that are open
From being smoked out
Of their hiding place
Vulnerable
Layered in fresh fallen flaws
Before your mother
Humbled by her judgement
And my insecurities
I introduce myself
As 'August' in december
Out of season global warming
Hoping to melt her baby boy's
Glacial exterior
Longing to be closer
Then words that make sense
In another dialect
To understand each other
I want to know him
Prose,
Personally,
Objectively in spreadsheets
That are microsoft,
Word
Has been our bond
Since logos
The dawn of time
Capsule,
Eclipse like his shade.
We met years ago
I remember our connection
From the womb,
Don't forget to kiss me
Before you leave
Again.

{Disclaimer} this was my day in a freewrite after spending time in L.I with a friend I thought could be more. I thought wrong. *shrugs*

No more poems that aren't earned. Tired of writing fantasies. Though there is a man that has been tresspassing on my thoughts lately. Hmm...time will tell. Lets just live, me and you, cool?

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Lack of sleep & bubble baths @ 6am

2008-12-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep. At least I won't tonight. Partially because it was a hectic day, and on the other hand I have to get up early today to go to L.I.

Now after looking back, I realize these are mundane responses. Actually I'm up vibing off the Pink lavalamp (yes macario dropped it off earlier. Thanks! Lol). Its really dope. I can't turn it off, so I put it on my ipod on repeat. *shrugs*

This is making me nostalgic. Listening to the trials of charles' life from years ago makes me wonder what changed in my life. I also had suicide attempts, issues, family drama but how did I get through that??

Maybe the same way he did by isolating myself in my dream (writing). I'm scared to revisit the old poems/journals of those days I try so hard to forget. Its like picking at scabs or is it just like grazing your hand over an old scar remembering how you got it???

Whatever. It still makes me nervous.

I am starving now!! But its almost time for breakfast. I'm contemplating whether or not to take a bubble bath now. Continue zoning to the P. L. Lamp. Hmmm...maybe.

Peace Earthlings,
Blue

Mobile Blogging

2008-12-16T05:47:00.001-05:00

So F*%& the dance theatre workshop!! Who had basically 50% of the audience outside of the show including the family members of the performers!!! Homie by the door was about to get smacked. (Shoutout to B. Yung and Ariel) lol. You guys were great company for that hour. Lovely side door behind the soundless tv helped me catch at least the second half (jasmine and carvens).

*sigh*

Now that I've finished venting let me just say that I am proud of Jasmine and Carvens. You guys did a wonderful job. I was totally feeling your pieces especially carvens....

"Its hard to be a teenager but its harder to be a teenager with a dream especially when your parents climb into your sleep and tell you its not gonna happen" -carvens lissaint

Damn Carv. Now its just me, reynold and ayanna in the pizza shop on 7th avenue with no pizza in front of us. We're sitting talking about our flaws and futures. Amazing how imperfections make you closer to someone else.

Hmmm...I'm growing.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

Platonic Conversations @ 6am

2008-12-14T06:19:00.000-05:00

I can see the horizon beyond the buildings in the subtle colors of pale pinks, blues and orange hues. Staring at my bestie who's lying across one of the twin beds in this dorm. We haven't slept in 24 hours but I am not tired of late night adventures yet. Listening to random songs on his itunes. I think i've found a new friend in G. He's a cool dude once you get to know him.

Maybe the bestie will pursue him or leave him with the other men she discards. Doesn't matter as a young woman in the city you can always use another older 'brother'. So maybe I'll adopt him. I love venturing to places I've never been and making strangers my new friends. You may think I'm weird but whatever. Thats why you're lonely. Ha!

Had fun at the stepshow, it was cool but the aftermath was better. Train rides, diner, dorms, attempts at parties and random humans who looked like Powder! (Remember that movie??)

I'm still wondering about what to eat for breakfast...or whether to go to the UW christmas party. I need that pink lavalamp Macario!! lmao. Blowing up his spot and whatnot.

Peace Earthlings,
BlueBelle

There ain't nothing like a brooklyn girl...

2008-12-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

I'm so proud of my homie Charles Hamilton who just released his first video 'Brooklyn Girls'. It's so doooopppeee!! As a born and bred brooklynite when I first heard the song I was hype. Finally we were getting recognition as being some flyy women from someone other than Jay-Z (shoutout to Hova). So on behalf of every sexy, single, intelligent bklyn female...

Thank you, Charles!!!!
http://charleshamilton.blogspot.com

After reading blogs for a while now, I am very happy to finally have my own. Yes its still under construction until I holla at my girl Riv. (Yo, Riv. whats good??) lol. Expect many updates people and stuff...whatever...

I'm about to get moving. Have lots to do tonight trying to get that 'Pink Lavalamp' (Come on with it Macario). I loovvvee Harlem!! (insider)

Peace,
BlueBelle